Dear Friend-You’re Not Lazy:
Signs of a Dis-regulated Nervous System & How to Begin Healing Gently
For months, I thought I was lazy, unmotivated, or broken. I felt guilty for resting—yet I needed to rest a lot.
I’ve always been a “go-getter.” As a solo mom of three, I built a small massage business, studied for my esthetician license, and lived in a beautiful beach town in California. I thrived on being busy and thought I was invincible.
Then came the 2020 lockdowns. I closed my business, faced one crisis after another, and ended up living in my van—something I had dreamed of one day, but not like this. For five years, life was chaotic: moving constantly, helping my adult kids through their struggles, even living in my son’s backyard while my van was being repaired. Like so many others, I was just trying to survive.
In 2024, my luck seemed to shift. I found a studio in downtown San Diego and told myself I was finally back on my feet. But after months of pushing myself, I began to feel drained, unmotivated, and isolated. Despite having everything I thought I wanted—safety, stability, and comfort—I felt numb and disconnected.
By 2025, I had the chance to move back to the beach, near my kids and friends. I thought it was the new beginning I needed. But shortly after moving, I collapsed into exhaustion, landed in the hospital, and never fully bounced back. For weeks, I forced myself to keep going, wondering why I couldn’t feel “normal.”
Then I discovered the truth: my nervous system was completely dysregulated. The guilt, the fatigue, the lack of motivation—it wasn’t laziness. It was my body trying to find balance after years of survival mode.
How Does a Nervous System Become Dysregulated?
Your nervous system is designed to keep you safe. When it senses danger, it activates survival mode: fight, flight, or freeze. If you experience ongoing stress, trauma, or instability, your body gets stuck in this state, always on high alert.
Over time, this constant activation leads to exhaustion. The nervous system doesn’t know how to fully “turn off.” Instead, it swings between overdrive and shutdown, leaving you feeling scattered, tired, and disconnected from yourself.
Some common causes include:
Childhood trauma or neglect
Ongoing stress (financial, work, relationships)
Chronic illness or pain
Substance use as a coping tool
Unpredictable environments or repeated crises
Signs & Symptoms of a Dysregulated Nervous System
Everyone’s experience looks different, but here are common signs you may notice:
Constant fatigue, even after rest
Trouble focusing or remembering things
Feeling “on edge” or easily overwhelmed
Sudden crashes into exhaustion or shutdown
Mood swings, irritability, or numbness
Digestive issues, headaches, body aches
Feeling guilty for needing rest
💡 Important Reminder: If you’ve been calling yourself lazy or unmotivated, please know—it’s not a character flaw. It’s your body doing its best to survive and find balance.
Gentle Steps to Begin Healing
Healing your nervous system is not about pushing harder. It’s about creating safety, slowness, and small, steady shifts. Here are a few gentle practices that help:
Breath Awareness – A few slow inhales and long exhales can calm your body’s alarm system.
Grounding Practices – Walk barefoot in the grass, hold a warm mug of tea, or notice five things around you with your senses.
Daily Rest Without Guilt – Let yourself lie down, nap, or be still. Rest is medicine.
Gentle Movement – Stretch, sway to music, take a slow walk. Keep it light.
Connection – Reach out to a safe friend, therapist, or support group. Healing happens in community.
How Long Does It Take to Feel Results?
There is no quick fix. Some people notice small shifts within weeks; for others, it may take months or years. Healing a nervous system is not a straight line—you may have setbacks and surges of progress. What matters is consistency and compassion. Each small step tells your body, “You’re safe now. You don’t have to live in survival mode anymore.”
Daily Self-Care Rituals for Regulation
Here’s a gentle ritual you can try daily:
Morning: Drink water, stretch, breathe deeply
Midday: Take a 10-minute walk outside or rest your eyes
Evening: Light a candle, write one thing you’re grateful for, put your phone away before bed
These rituals don’t have to be perfect. Think of them as small signals of safety and care for your body.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve been calling yourself lazy, broken, or unmotivated, I want you to know: you’re not. Your body is doing the hard work of healing after years of chaos, stress, or trauma.
I’ve created a Gentle Nervous System Reset Guide with more daily rituals, self-care tools, and printable checklists to help you on your healing journey. It’s a simple, affordable resource designed to support women like us who are ready to move from survival into gentle, sustainable healing.
